Friday, 27 February 2009

I'm still here

I catched the flu and was very ill all February and still recovering.

While I was lying in bed for days with high temperature, alone, coughing really, really badly and feeling extremely awful I had only feverish thoughts in my head. It was like dementors were sucking out all of my joy and I was left with total negativity. Not a single happy thought was able to enter my mind. All the injustices, violence and despair of the world seemed to weigh heavily on me. I was thinking about concentration camps and that being this ill would have meant nothing else but certain death, just because nobody would have cared. Even the Sharpeville Six came to my mind, exploding space shuttles, unbearable violence against women, Palestinian people killed by missiles, the 923 million hungry and starving people on earth and the end of Guillaume Depardieu, Elisabeth Mann Borgese and Aubrey Beardsley when I had my heavy coughing fits. (All the endless coughing made me think of films in which a character, who's coughing is always about to die. One should really make a film in which the people with the rosy cheeks die and the desperate coughing pale protagonist survives. Sick people need some hope after all.)

I still can't get rid of these negative feelings. The good things happening are by far outnumbered by the bad things, aren't they? Too many wrong decisions are made every day. I need some positivity but I can't wipe away my nightmarish thoughts. All these things really happened and happen still, but much worse than I can imagine.

I also had this old childhood tune in my head that sums up my mood perfectly.

Les Poppys - Non, non, rien n'a changé

I love this song! And I love those hairdos. Boys in the seventies dared to have much longer hair than today and it looked so fine. (Look at this cute little guy! He reminds me so much of Élodie Bouchez.)

When I felt a little better I moved to my parents, occupied their couch and filled my days with a lot of really stupid tv. I usually live in a tv-free zone and this overdose of trashy stuff was a little shocking really and although I didn't even watch the worst stuff I could almost feel my brain melt. I hate, loathe and detest Heidi Klum by the way.

As soon as I was able to get on my feet again I started to take little walks every day to get fresh air into my lungs. It was snowing a lot and I'm very glad that I could spend time out of doors on some of the most beautiful days we had this winter and which made me think of "Hunters in the Snow" by Pieter Bruegel the Elder.

I still feel very drained of energy and need to sleep a lot, but I'm slowly getting better and I hope to get to work on some crafty projects again quite soon.